


Chrysalis

by Gorgeous Nerd (gorgeousnerd)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Mutants, Gen, Gender Identity, Nonbinary Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7472880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeousnerd/pseuds/Gorgeous%20Nerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are worse than they sound on paper. Some things are better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chrysalis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dinosaur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaur/gifts).



> Thanks to the mods for running this exchange and to my pal onthehill for looking the beta/Britpick! Any errors remaining are on me.
> 
> This story's about individual journeys and isn't meant to represent trans men/nonbinary people as a whole. Some of it was drawn from personal experience but fictionalized to fit the story.

Flying back to Manchester after Christmas in Mullingar was...well...

Niall knew as well as anyone that mutations were rare, and flying mutations even more so. He only knew three people who could do it, and that was because he'd purposely gone to uni to meet more people like him. There were less than a thousand fliers in the world.

Whenever he met someone who wasn't a mutant and felt comfortable enough talking about his ability, he often saw a particular awed look. Or a jealous one. It was something people pined for.

He wished he could tell them how fucking _horrible_ it could be.

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if he lived in places where it was sunny all the time. But no, he was born in Ireland, and he was going to school in the bloody United Kingdom. He could fly high enough to break over the clouds sometimes, but his first year there, he hadn't done enough long-distance flying to know the exact mechanics yet. Coming back from Mullingar after Christmas meant cold misery.

It was also a lot faster and a lot less expensive than any other mode of transportation, and Niall was broke.

"Should have gotten one of them Midas powers," Niall muttered as he landed outside his dorm. Covered in damp and mud, of course. He started taking off his outer layer of clothes before he even went inside. What a mess.

He was cold and tired and holding his dirty clothes in his arms as he stumbled inside the suite he shared with four others. Three of the doors to the individual rooms were closed, not counting Niall's, which meant either people weren't in or they weren't game for company. Probably for the best.

"Nialler? That you?" a deep voice called.

The fifth door was open, casting golden light on the floor. As Niall turned toward it, he could see a silhouette in front of the light.

"Christ," Niall said, wincing. "Can't see you when you're lurking like that."

The figure stepped out further, and Niall could see long hair gathered in one hand and a hair tie in the other. A floral blouse hung open to mid-chest, revealing a moth tattoo and chest scars.

"Sorry," Harry said, tying his hair up into a bun. "Good flight?"

Niall barked a humourless laugh, and Harry's mouth tilted. His wings were poking out behind him, brown like his hair.

"Easy for you to ask," Niall said, kicking his door open and throwing his clothes inside. "You just had to fly to Holmes Chapel and back."

"Didn't actually. Mum drove me back. She wanted some extra time." Harry's eyes twinkled. "And I received a present in the mail I didn't want to carry. Would you like to see?"

And just like that, all the misery was gone.

-

Niall had registered at uni as Niamh. He'd introduced himself to his suitemates as such at the start of fall semester, back when his hair was down to his arse and he hadn't worn makeup because it felt wrong on his skin.

Harry had already had chest surgery by then; his mum had paid for it out of pocket when Harry was sixteen. It didn't stop him from keeping his hair longer, or from wearing blouses purchased from women's departments. Niall had taken one look at him and heard a ringing chord of joy in his head.

Niall had cut his hair the very next day and bleached it a week after.

When he talked to Bobby about the hair later that week, too chickenshit to tell him what it meant, he was nothing but supportive.

"New look for a new part of your life, yeah?"

"Isn't it...a lot, Da?" Niall had been chewing on his fingernails. "A lot at once."

"Maybe. But this is what you get to figure for yourself now."

Bobby had taken pronouns and the name shift with just as much ease. Greg...well, it wasn't just the weather that had left Niall grumpy after Christmas, but things with Greg were always hard. Maura still didn't know.

Harry was the first one Niall told any of it.

Harry had started it from their introduction. "Harry," he'd said on his first handshake with Niall. "He, but I'm not a man."

The ringing chord in Niall's head had actually come before that moment. It only intensified as Harry let his wings spread out of the slits he cut in his shirts, feathers the same colour as his hair.

"Oh," Niall had said. Or breathed. "I...I am, I think. A man. Still working on the name."

Harry had just nodded. "Got something I can call you in the meantime?"

"Irish," Niall had blurted.

(One of their suitemates, Louis, had overheard the last part and called Niall Irish ever since. Niall had to admit it fit.)

-

Niall practically ran into Harry's room. He was distracted, at first, by a change: Harry had put sheets on the walls since Niall had been in last, hiding the drab walls and giving the place a rather pillow-fort feel. The sweet, burnt smell of Harry's candles hovered in the air, which wasn't new.

It wasn't until Harry waved a hand toward a plain brown box in the middle of his bed that Niall focused again, diving forward.

"You really didn't have to," he said, pulling at the tape with a laugh.

"You got me a Christmas present. This is yours. Sorry it's late."

Nail polish didn't compare, but Niall didn't bother saying it aloud.

The first item in the box was a package of boxer briefs. It probably cost about the same as the nail polish, but Niall wasn't sure his present had made Harry as breathless as Niall was feeling.

"If they don't fit, let me know," Harry said. "I can get you another set."

Niall moved them aside and nodded, but he had no intention of giving them back. Not ever.

Underneath, of course, was the bigger present...bigger in terms of meaning. It was smaller in dimension. Exactly the size Niall would expect a packer to be.

It was beautiful.

"So you like it?" Harry asked as Niall lifted it reverently out of the box.

"If I could marry a piece of latex, it would probably be this one."

Harry snorted. He looked pleased.

-

Mutants were the only students who had lectures outside their major. They were usually one-day workshops, and they were "optional, but highly encouraged". "Ethics of Power" was the first one Niall had to take after coming back. It was about as dull as it sounded.

Not all the lectures were terrible. Niall had done one about working in groups that had involved balling up paper and throwing it about. Still, the practical workshops were usually dull as dirt. There were never enough mutants in one uni to specialise by power, so everyone hung about, grouped by power, bored out of their minds for all but five minutes of the day.

The first seminar of term was one of these. It was drizzly and cold, so when Niall and Harry found a tree, Harry had to climb up, and Niall floated up an umbrella.

"I can't even fly today," Harry said sadly, wringing out his hair as his wings twitched behind him. Niall had found some plastic to cover Harry's wings with, which kept them from getting heavy with water, but prevented Harry from flying. "I'll fall on my face in front of everybody."

"How's that different than usual?"

Harry shoved Niall. Niall flailed dramatically, but even though he rolled off the branch, his flying power kept him in the air. Harry suffered more; Niall was the one holding the umbrella. Harry's face drooped as he got freshly wet.

"It is shit, though," Niall said as he rested back in his place. He lifted the umbrella, and Harry perked up a bit.

Everyone on the ground looked equally miserable. Liam was watching the instructor intently, but even he couldn't hold off a shiver. Louis and Zayn were sitting at the foot of their tree and trying to keep their cigarettes from going out. Nick was using his fire power to keep Perrie warm.

"Where are the others?" Niall asked with a frown. "Jade and them?"

"They have a competing society. They got permission."

"You can do that?"

Harry shrugged. "That's what Leigh-Anne told me."

Niall bit his lip. "You know," he said, after a moment's reflection, "it's supposed to be a wet winter, and we have at least five or six practicals. Outdoor ones."

"Oh no, really?" Harry sounded two seconds from crying.

"There are plenty of indoor activities here. Most of them meet on weekends."

"Oh." Harry blinked twice before his eyebrows raised. " _Oh._ "

-

The next Saturday was another practical lecture. It had gotten cold enough that it took turns raining and snowing.

Niall and Harry were out for some of it. But their new, competing soc - the LGBTQ soc, of course - meant they flew about just long enough for their hands to go numb before they left, and they were dry and well-fed and sitting in their common area by the time the rest of their ragged suitemates made it back.

Niall was revising and Harry brushing his hair and watching something on his laptop when Louis walked in, fringe and face caked in mud. He looked blankly at the two of them, and Niall winced, both in sympathy and in preparation for whatever his reaction to their comfort and his misery would be.

But Louis just slumped into his room and slammed the door.

-

Niall left his room wearing one of his old dresses one Monday.

It was a test more than anything. Harry was all about tests. Harry was comfortable exploring what his gender looked like in general. His closet was all blouses and jeans and it was... _Harry_ , but it didn't mean he stuck to those boundaries. He borrowed clothes if the wind blew a different way on a particular day. 

Niall's closet was in a state of flux. It didn't bother him as much as it would have a year before.

He went to the full-length mirror in the common room, and he was surprised to see that he looked more masculine with a skirt above his knees. Maybe it was the leg scar in part, where he'd had surgery. Maura had said, when Niall was a child, that scars were for boys so it was best to avoid much activity, and that had been ringing in his head during his recovery. He'd bought several pairs of leggings as soon as he'd walked well enough to justify them.

(He'd given them up long before the great gender realisation. They hadn't even come to uni with him.)

No, it wasn't the scar, but Niall didn't look too dramatically different than before. His hair was short and blond, but he wasn't on hormones and he didn't bind. (He needed his breath when he flew, and baggy shirts hid things pretty well.) Niall could just...see himself better now.

"Haz?"

"Yeah?"

"I tried it."

Harry leaned out of his room and nodded his approval. "What do you think?"

"Not bad," Niall said, using his palms to smooth out the wrinkles on the dress. He probably wouldn't wear it much, but it was nice to have the option.

-

When Niall got a job at the pizza place a month into term, they didn't blink when his name and pronouns were different than the information he put on his paperwork. Of course, when you had a flying mutant delivering your pizza, you probably let a lot go.

The job wasn't the worst Niall had had by any means; he spent less time travelling, thanks to how fast flying was compared to driving, and he liked meeting new people. The money definitely wasn't bad. But it was dirty work, and tiring. He was lucky if he was awake enough to shower most nights, and even when he did, he never got clean enough.

Harry woke Niall one night. He hadn't even been in his room; he had been slumped forward in a chair in the common room, still in the clothes he'd worn to work. The lights were still on, which was really strange. Niall usually needed full dark to sleep.

He rubbed his face. "What time is it?"

"Late."

Silence for a moment. "You're being quiet," Niall said, to fill the space. It was unsettling. Harry liked to ramble, and Niall liked to listen. He'd learned a lot that way.

Harry looked tired too. "Back hurts. I haven't flown in too long."

"Should go somewhere for Easter break. Maybe the weather will be good by then." Niall liked the thought. It was already getting warmer...well, by British standards, anyway.

Harry smiled. "You could come, too. We could go back to my house. Or Robin's bungalow."

"All the lads could probably use time away." It sounded better the more Niall thought about it. "They could use Louis's car, we could fly...it would be sick."

"All the lads?"

"Yeah, Louis, Liam, Zayn."

Harry looked...briefly disappointed? Something? Whatever look crossed his face was replaced by the tired smile.

"Only if you bring the guitar," Harry said. "Wouldn't be a proper holiday without some songs."

Niall grinned. "Deal."

-

Term felt eternal. When break finally came, it was a breath of fresh air.

The lads set out early the Saturday after their last lectures. True to his word, Niall flew with Harry, keeping Louis's car in their view. It swerved occasionally, usually when Louis leaned over to mess with something Liam was doing, and when Niall went down low enough, he could see puffs of smoke from Louis and Zayn's cigarettes.

Niall didn't rely on wind currents to fly; his power was self-reliant. But after the first initial push, Harry struggled. There wasn't enough wind to keep him up. Luckily, Niall had his phone, and he texted Liam.

A hand emerged from the car, and Harry's wings lifted as they filled with air. His face lit up, and he mouthed a "thank you" Niall's way. Niall tipped his hand off his forehead in response.

-

Harry's mum and stepdad lived in the country, amongst farmland. It wasn't Ireland, of course - Cheshire could only wish it was - but it felt familiar all the same.

Their place had a pool. It was too bloody cold to swim still; Niall was sorry they hadn't invited Nick. But it didn't stop Louis from diving in nearly the moment they got there. Liam perched on the side, looking worried, and Zayn kept close but obviously had no interest in going near the water.

After Niall walked across the surface of the water using his hovering power, to Louis's friendly jeering, he jogged to where Harry was waiting just inside. 

"You fancy a swim?" Niall asked.

Harry smiled up from his phone. "Not in the slightest. Want to see my room?"

Outside, there was a loud splash followed by Liam's shriek. He roared Louis's name.

"Seems like a good time," Niall said, and they climbed the stairs.

The room was smaller than Niall expected, and plainer. It looked like...well, a young adult's room. There were a couple music posters on the wall, some bare shelves, a desk and bed. Niall's eyes roamed the room as he wondered what he was missing.

It wasn't until Harry leaned against the desk, wings slightly extended behind him, that Niall realised.

The room wasn't Harry's.

Harry seemed to read the confusion on Niall's face. "I upgraded my things when I went off to uni. Seemed like a good time."

"And here I thought you just came out of the womb a fully-formed person." Niall smiled to show he was joking.

Harry's smile was a bit sheepish. "I didn't even figure out I was trans until I was ten."

"Earlier than me."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest. "Ten years was still a long time to sit and wonder what was different. Here, I wonder if I still..."

He leaned forward to open a drawer in his desk, and he pulled out a little book and handed it to Niall.

The first picture was a little blond toddler with perfectly straight hair.

"You were blond?" Niall said happily.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Harry pushed at his brown waves with a hand.

Niall flipped the page. An older child with more of Harry's looks smiled back.

"How did you see yourself then?" Niall asked, holding out the picture so Harry could see.

"Kind of like a boy. Or like I could be a boy? Not like a girl, definitely." Harry smiled fondly at the picture. "I wore cargo shorts and blue shirts almost every day that year before I figured out it wasn't particularly me. Mum was very supportive."

He flipped the page, and Niall looked closer. A banner read "Nine years old" at the top, and it was Harry with small wings spread behind him.

"Nine," Niall breathed. "That's young for your powers to start."

"Hurt growing the wings, too. Like growing pains times a million." Harry didn't sound as fond, and the boy in the picture looked tired. "I hid them behind sweaters before I learned flying helped the pain."

Another page flip, and Harry stood with his hands on his hips, wings spread. His hair was longer, and he was wearing a more colourful shirt. He looked maybe thirteen.

"There you are," Niall said, almost to himself.

Harry tapped the picture. "You know I didn't take hormone blockers? The doctor offered them. Mum said I could. I was the one who said I wasn't sure."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I ended up on hormones about a year later, and when my chest didn't shrink enough, I had the surgery."

Niall whistled. He flipped through the last few pages: Harry's face thinning as he started the hormones; Harry smiling post-op, with bandages around his torso; Harry flying through the air without a shirt on, scars redder and lacking the stomach tattoo. He looked happy. 

Beautiful.

Niall's breath caught. He didn't look up.

"You didn't want the others to come here, did you?" he managed, voice quiet.

"No." Harry's voice was just as quiet, a low rumble.

Niall looked up, and he saw vulnerability, unsureness. Harry had seen Niall at his rawest, and Niall had been so grateful ever since that Harry had been there when he'd started uni. Niall had just always assumed he'd feel in Harry's debt for the rest of his life. It wasn't a bad spot to be in.

"Thank you," Harry said, and that confirmed it. Harry had been looking for someone who understood the different parts of his life. Harry thought reaching out to Niall had been...selfish, maybe.

Niall held out a hand, and Harry took it.

"Thank _you_ ," Niall said.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _if i could fly au: sometimes, being trans is more fun than being able to fly_


End file.
